ItsWorthIt

20th July--x

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 16:56:07 GMT

So i was at work today ( i work as a waitress which is reeeally hard with all the food, but its convineant for me because i live above a restaurant so its easy to get to) anyway, at work today there was this sticky toffee pudding with butterscotch sauce going spare as there was a wrong order and i had been really good all day just eating an apple & nectarine 4 my breakfast but it was just sitting there on the side n evry1 was eating it and telling me to have a bite, i know i should of been stronger but i ate like half of it. & theyre quite big!

So heres my question.. i just tried to purge now and i coudnt,.
Does any1 know if it matters if you have been to the toilet before hand, becaue i had.
Ive rarely purged on purpose in the past, but when i have its worked?
Comments please

--x

Grrrr :@

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:08:32 GMT

Ar ffs!
Jus had an argument wiv my mum cause i was shakin n i was like, hmm wierd o well.
Then she was givin us the 100 questions n then said i wasnt eating properly.
I feel like shit :( i hate having arguments.
Worst of all ive just totally binged and eaten a donut, 3jaffa cakes n had a cup of tea with loadsa milk & sugar in!!
I feel so crap..and fat!!!!!! :(
Im working til 6 tomorrow too so its not like i can even do much exercise during the day!

meh
sorry 4 blabbin on

--x

19th July--x

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 20:49:47 GMT

Soo today, hmm been pretty good.
Woke up this morning and had variety pack of fruits..kiwi, pineapple & grapes. Went on the exercise bike 4 half an hour, oh how i pumped my big fat legs! Cant wait till theyre super skinny :D
Went to see my mate but it was pissin down which was gay so found some random little bench.
Sat and looked through holiday brochures 4 us to find somewhere to go =]
Smoked about 10fags
Ate an apple while she had a pasty from Greggs :( i was jelous, but soon she will be jelous of super slim me lol
Drank two bottles of water too.
Mum and dad wanted to take me out for a meal too so i said i wanst hungry yet and we just stayed 4 a drink (i had iced water)
Got home & had a salad, lettuce. tomatoes, beetroot and a slice of ham..Maybe should of lay off the meat?

Bored laying on my bed with laptop right now..Hmm what is there to do?!

---x

18th/19th July- 00.38am--x

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 23:34:52 GMT

Lying in bed, tummy rumbling something rotton.
My brothers just got in with his mates and they brought pizzas :(
I figured staying on here would help me fight the temptation
Its really hard but i know its worth it, tomorrow im gonna drink loads of water to try fill me up
& im already a smoker so i guess that will supress my appetite, if not a lot then atleast a little bit.
NOTE TO SELF-[Remember...if a snack is reaaaally needed, go healthy! Raw carrot sticks, apples, oranges etc are good!! Chocolate & crisps will just add to fat]
Ok tummy still rumbling think im gonna get some sleep so i dont have to think about it.

Night All--x

18th July--x

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:57:13 GMT

Ok so just found out my mum has booked 4 me & her 2 go back 2 Turkey in September =]
Its only 4 a week but she knows how badly im missin him!
I havent seen him for 3months now & ive even gone through conversations in my head wondering if a long distance relationship will work.
i keep coming back to the conclusion that i love him n 1 day i will finally be happy.
Just have to get shitty school over with first.
But right now ive got 12weeks off for summer though..well about 7 left now.
Im really scared im gonna start binge eating out of sheer boredom.
The other day i was watchin tv & i know thts 1 of the times wher u can hav least control over it, not paying attention and thinking your hungry.
So i ate a packet of cheese&onion crisps and 3biscuits. I knew before i finished them it wouldnt of been worth it but i couldnt help myself.
..I was right, it wasnt worth it! I stood there looking in the mirror pullin and prodding at all my whobbley bits.
Im so disapointed in myself, i thought i had control over food.So i took a new pic of my body to give me inspiration on what i needed to lose.
Im going to try so hard tomorrow but its going to be difficult
Im seeing my friend whos just got back from holiday and she doesnt know im constantly battling with my weight. I hate lying to people but i know if i want to look gorgeous and thin its the only way without having people on my case.
There hasnt been a dramatic loss in my weight yet so im in the stage where people are just complimentin me with the couple of pounds ive shed.
I love this feeling i need to lose more.
Advice/diets//tips would be really welcomed!

Stay Stong Troopers---x